Love Without Labels: Chinese Revise the Rules on Relationships
SHANGHAI — To outsiders, Zhao Shiyan might appear to be in a typical romantic relationship. Since matching with his partner on a dating app two years ago, they’ve spent their time much like any other couple — holding hands, enjoying movie nights, and sharing intimate moments.
Yet, the 25-year-old says that neither of them have explicitly defined the nature of their relationship. “We don’t think we need to put a label on it,” Zhao tells Sixth Tone. “As long as we enjoy each other’s company and feel comfortable, that’s good enough for us.”
This sentiment has become common today among young Chinese people, as they increasingly prioritize personal happiness and flexibility over commitment. With the economic pressures and individualism present in modern Chinese society, experts say more couples are opting for so-called “situationships” over traditional relationships, focusing solely on their love connection without looking too far into the future.
Zhao works in China’s fast-paced gaming industry, often facing demanding deadlines and relentless work pressure. After finding his last serious relationship “exhausting and draining,” he began exploring dating apps and has adopted a more practical approach toward companionship with his current partner.
“For me, it’s less about making grand, long-term promises and more about finding someone who brings joy to life and alleviates burdens,” Zhao says. “I’m looking for someone who enriches my life without imposing rigid expectations and without the weight of societal obligations.”
Situationships have been a hot topic among Chinese netizens, especially since the release of the 2024 movie “Her Story,” which tells the tales of two Shanghai neighbors: 20-something singleton Ye, who attempts a casual, no-strings-attached relationship with a man; and divorced single mother Wang Tiemei, who balances family life with a busy career, and is in no rush to define her smoldering relationship with her daughter’s drum teacher.
The topic of “situationships” has generated more than 36 million views on the Chinese lifestyle app Xiaohongshu, or RedNote, with many users sharing personal experiences, while others have posted information on how to search for such a partner.
Du Shichao, an associate researcher in sociology at Shanghai’s Fudan University, says the appeal of situationships — caring, intimate relationships devoid of commitment — lies in the ability to sidestep responsibility and embrace uncertainty. “They offer efficiency, low pressure and flexibility, but often lack the stability needed for long-term fulfillment,” he adds.
Freedom at a cost
Zhang, a 31-year-old working in marketing in Shenzhen, in the southern Guangdong province, broke up with her ex-boyfriend after about a year of dating due to their busy schedules, particularly his demanding commitments as a startup entrepreneur. However, rather than go their separate ways, they instead decided to try a situationship.
“We were both in our early 30s, and we didn’t want to waste each other’s time. But we still had feelings for each other, so we decided to try something less formal, something more flexible,” she says, adding that it instantly freed them from traditional expectations. “It’s a relaxed way to experience intimacy. You can enjoy each other’s company without pressure.”
They agreed to be exclusive, but promised to communicate openly if either wanted to pursue something more serious. To their surprise, the couple’s connection deepened. “Without the pressure of labels, we’ve been seeing each other more often,” Zhang says.
However, she concedes that, at times, she does question whether the arrangement is enough for her, but her partner’s reluctance to fully invest makes her hesitant to take the next step. “If we were to get married, he’d need to put in more effort,” she adds.
She sees her current relationship as a reflection of a societal shift toward individualism, as people prioritize their own needs over collective goals. Yet, while some might view this mindset as selfish, Zhang believes it’s empowering: “Women should know what they want and not be afraid to ask for it.”
Social circles
Despite a slight uptick in 2023, marriage registrations in China resumed their downward trend last year, with only 6.11 million couples tying the knot, a decline of more than 20% year on year.
Du says that, for the youth of today, responsibilities like marriage are seen as a burden, and life’s many uncertainties are putting them off making long-term commitments. “Situationships emerge when people are unable to make commitments but still have functional needs,” he explains.
As cultural concepts and attitudes shift, young Chinese people no longer expect an intimate relationship to fulfill all their needs, but rather hope to meet specific, individual needs through various companions, or dazi in Chinese. For example, a person might have one dazi to eat out with, another to watch shows and movies, and another to play sports.
In this way, they can break down the various functions of intimate relationships, allowing each partner to assist as needed without investing too much time and effort in maintaining the connection, Du says. “This model aligns with young people’s pursuit of an efficient and fragmented lifestyle, satisfying their short-term emotional needs while avoiding excessive responsibility and complex emotional entanglements,” he adds.
According to the 2024 Youth Marriage and Love Concept and Trend Survey Report released by Shanghai University and the social app Soul, just 40% of respondents born after 2000 agreed that marriage is a necessary life choice. Another poll conducted in 2023 revealed that nearly 40% of young people said that their social circle included dazi, with an average of 2.59 dazi per person.
Du points out that situationships are not necessarily contradictory to traditional long-term relationships but are more based on context. People may choose different kinds of relationships depending on their age and situational needs, while these models are also not mutually exclusive, he says. “There’s no right or wrong; the key is the choices made based on individual needs. Some people may be suited to situationships, or it may just be suitable in their current context.”
Dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Tantan have also played a significant role. Compared with traditional matchmaking, online tools offer greater flexibility and a wider range of choices, making finding a partner more efficient. However, Du says they also come with higher risks and increased uncertainty, such as from the prevalence of fake profiles and scams.
Casual to committed
A 33-year-old educator surnamed Fan from Changchun, capital of the northeastern Jilin province, says she wanted to make only casual connections after her divorce, so turned to Tinder seeking companionship and “to have some fun.” This is how she met her current husband.
Despite their best efforts to keep things light, as they got to know each other, their emotional attachment gradually grew stronger. After several ups and downs, they traveled together to Africa, and then he introduced her to his family — a pivotal moment that cemented their bond and marked a change in their relationship status.
“Our relationship evolved through open communication and mutual respect,” Fan says, adding that flexibility and personal growth should take precedence over rigid norms. “An undefined relationship is not a failure or a compromise, but an opportunity for people to confront their fears and insecurities. If one has sufficient confidence in their worth, they won’t try to control the relationship, nor will they suffer due to uncertainty within the relationship.”
The couple’s life since their marriage has also been unconventional. They live separately and spend most of their time apart, only coming together as a family on weekends, either at his place or hers. During holidays, they organize vacations or visit their parents.
“In this new world and new order, views on romance and marriage must evolve,” Fan says. “There’s no fixed model for marriage. As long as this way of interacting is comfortable and promotes family harmony, it’s enough.”
Every relationship is a process, not an endpoint, she adds. “Only when people learn to face their fears and recognize their worth can they truly enjoy the pleasures and growth that any relationship brings.”
Editor: Hao Qibao.
(Header image: 500px/VCG, reedited by Sixth Tone)
